Spreading seeds of knowledge and compassion

[Note: this post was originally published on Substack January 25, 2023]

A little about why I'm writing

Such a beautiful moment. A young girl running carefree through a field of dandelions with nothing but the joy of childhood to look forward to.  

This isn’t me and this never happened in my life. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? It’s the kind of thing that I WISH had been a part of my childhood. There was a large part of my life when I couldn’t even reflect on my childhood for a long while, much less dream that a scene like this might have been a possibility, even though it definitely didn’t happen in my life. 

So why this, why here? It’s my reminder. I must continuously remind myself that perfect memories aren’t a requirement for living a better life. I have had to do a lot of work to get to this realization. It has involved addressing lots of issues and challenges I have faced along the way and is still a work in progress.  

When you’ve numbed your way through life (spoiler alert: this is a trauma survivor trick), feeling the feelings is a new and hard experience. It’s taken time to get ok with sitting in the muck of real feelings for a while. I’m still not good at it, though I now understand why I need to, that the cycle must complete or I remain stuck. I was stuck for a long time and I didn’t like it. I want to move on, so now I sit with the uncomfortable feelings.  

I’ve worked my way from numbed trauma survivor and living a life in victimhood and shame, completely unaware of how my actions impacted others and myself, to being consciously aware of all the things that I need to work on, accepting where I am in my healing journey and wanting to help others that are on the path. 

I used to think that I had to do everything myself, including managing my own mental health. (I thought I was fine! What could possibly be wrong?) I’ve since learned that’s not how it works, and I had lots I needed to address and reset. I’m still a work in progress and will always be. 

I still really love that stock image, so it’s a permanent part of this substack. It reminds me that we humans need to share our journeys and help each other along. For me, the dandelion seeds are a reminder to share the knowledge, compassion and kindness with others. You never know where the seed will grow.

I’m committed to sharing what I can in the hope that by sharing my lessons learned here, others will also find some benefit in them. If you find value in them, please share with someone you know who might also benefit from them.